Sisters,
It has come to my attention that there is a den of filth and iniquity in our very town that must be stopped. A venue of ill repute called "The Baltic Room" has been quietly hosting some of the most sinful, decadent nights of debauchery ON THE SABBATH of all times!
I myself have witnessed good Christian men lured off the path of Righteousness by scantily clad trollops proffering promises of "alcohol" and "dancing". These tarts paint their faces, curse like sailors, wear skirts ...
Sisters,
It has come to my attention that there is a den of filth and iniquity in our very town that must be stopped. A venue of ill repute called "The Baltic Room" has been quietly hosting some of the most sinful, decadent nights of debauchery ON THE SABBATH of all times!
I myself have witnessed good Christian men lured off the path of Righteousness by scantily clad trollops proffering promises of "alcohol" and "dancing". These tarts paint their faces, curse like sailors, wear skirts with no petticoats underneath, and reveal the BARE FLESH of their shoulders and legs!!!
I implore you to join me on this night, and protest this ungodly event with prayers, sobriety, and temperance. Do not be swayed by the thin veneer of class, comfort, and community into participating. Lest you find yourself marked for eternal damnation by the temptations within.
Respectfully,
-Carry Nation
P.S. I don't know what "Music by DJ Skinlayers and DJ Coldheart" means, but with names like that one does not assume anything moral. I have been assured that the town sherriffs Michael Lurch Robinson and Ben Winchell will be guaranteeing our safety. Avert your eyes from Rita Hall Savoie and Ambyr Prince behind the bar. No virtuous woman would dare reveal bared cleavage.
P.P.S. $5 at the door. Wear your Sunday best. Refreshments after.